How do you Keep Going when you Face a Second, Third or Ongoing Adversity?

How do you build resilience over and over?

How do you bounce back when you whacked again (And again (and again))?

In this short video I give one very powerful, science-backed technique to keep you and your team energised, focussed and productive - despite the mayhem.

How to Build Resilience in the Face of Repeated or Ongoing Adversity

I prepared this video in the middle of 2020 - I had put it away as I thought we wouldn't need it again but as the world continues to face ongoing adversities and many challenges it remains relevant (the transcript is below).

It's one of the first videos I ever shot so not great quality but the message is pertinent and applies now more than ever.

If you would like to know more about building the resilience of yourself or your team - so you can bounce back better - check out the link to the free resources: https://www.crispopp.com/blog/resilience-freebies

#resilience #bounceback #workingfromhome #hybridleadership

How do you be Resilient in the Face of a Repeated or Ongoing Adversity (Like Another Lockdown

Transcript:

How do you bounce back when a challenge comes back a second or a third time, like an extended or a second lockdown? During the first lockdown there was a little bit of novelty. you didn't have to travel to work and you could probably work with a lot less distractions. And what you might have found is that your normal level of functioning was up here, Covid hit, we bounced down, then we bounced back up. and then, the second one hit, and now you're somewhere right down here. and if you're feeling like that - pretty low - you're not alone.

I rang a colleague of mine - it was a video call because I need to talk through some visuals with them. They were a graphic designer. I rang them recently. and when they answered the phone, it was all dark at their end. and I was like,

“Why is it dark at your end?”,

they said, "Well, I'm still in bed".

“Well, what are you doing in bed -it's 10:30 in the morning? I've known you for 20 years. You've never done this”

and they said, "The world is not as I want it to be. I just didn't want to face it.”

So what do you do when it's like that?

Well, what we know from resilience, and I teach a resilience model called the Resilience Compass. what we know is that resilient people accept their circumstances exactly as they are -  it's like building a house. You can't build a house without strong foundations, and that means accepting where you are. So there are a few facets to that, there's accepting yourself where you are physically, financially, where the businesses is … but the hard part is accepting your emotions exactly as they are.

If you can do that, if you can accept them, and if you can label them, then you can shift them as they say, ‘name them to tame them’. And the trick in accepting your emotional circumstances is the more nuanced you can be about it, the quicker you'll work through them.

So not just saying "I feel gray", but what shade of gray do you feel?
Not just saying that you feel a bit down, but what is it about it that's making you feel down? I know for myself, in the first lockdown, I had a bit more of a sense of loss. An old world had gone, but this time is all a bit different for me. It's a little bit more about this endless long thing that I have to get through. A little bit of drudgery, a little bit of Groundhog Day, a little bit of repetition to it and is kind of a low sense of energy.

Now, having said that, I have good days as well. But what I know is that if you can name the emotions you're having, you tame them, name them to tame them, and the more nuanced you can be in how you label them, the better. You can tell other people about them if you want. If you do tell someone, make sure you tell someone who's not going to argue with how you're feeling. Cause, that's just how you feel. You can journal about them. but the main thing is to dig in there and just understand, just sort of savour the feeling that you have.

Get a real sense for it. And my advice around all of this is - it'll be okay. I'm not saying it's okay to be in this terrible situation, but you'll be okay. You'll have the feelings, and just like the weather, (and if you're from Melbourne, you know what that's like), just like the weather, they'll change and they'll change more quickly .. and you'll shift through them. If you can name them, to tame them.

So that's my advice about being in an extended period of lockdown or second (third or fourth) lockdown or an ongoing adversity. My wish for you today is that you can do that and that you can have the best day you can have under the circumstances.

Feeling Low? You’re not alone … (But it is a Laughing Matter)

First published 7 September, 2020

If you, like me, have woken up this morning feeling low – know two things:

1.       it’s normal

2.       feeling low is the first step to not feeling low

Yesterday, in my home state, Victoria and hometown Melbourne, an announcement was made that the current lockdown will go on for another two weeks and then only with gradual easing.

(If you'd like to know more about moving forward with resilience, download a free copy of my Resilience Compass (c) - link in the comments below)

When I woke up with that this morning, I felt pretty low - and when I thought about it, I realise that was the reason

Wherever you are in your part of the world it might be some other reason - there are plenty of them.  The pandemic, lockdowns, economic catastrophe, emptied super funds, and the endless grind of one day very much like another.

I'm not going say "it's OK”.  It doesn’t feel okay.

I’m not I'm not going to say to you "oh well, it's what has to be done," or "it's for the best,", or "health first.'  All that may be true.  It just won't help you deal with the feeling.

This will: "it's normal. What you're feelings is normal".

Resilience - Feeling low is normal and a part of being resilient

It's normal under the circumstances to feel down, disappointed, flat, anxious, sad , fearful, and worried (and anything else you are feeling).

The first step when I teach resilience is to accept you circumstances and feelings.  Suppression does not work.  Acceptance does (then you have to move through it).

For me, I've got a bit of fury as well "how the heck do we find ourselves in this position?", "It's not fair", "Why do we all have to suffer when a few people do the wrong thing ..." etc.

If you’re feeling whatever you’re feeling – congratulations.  It will soon start to shift.  If you’re not, what can you do to get in touch?

Then you need to take some action and, hopefully, find some lightness.  I have some clients running laughter sessions with me this week – laughter is a great therapy, and the shock absorber for life (see www.laughterworks.com.au).  A laughter session is a wonderful mood lifter.

What are you doing for your team to help them move forward?  Drop an answer in the comments below please.

If you'd like to know more about moving forward with resilience, download a free copy of my Resilience Compass (c) - a link can be found on this site.

Where do you derive courage from in difficult times?

Courage is “action in the face of fear”, therefore, without fear there can be no courage.

Others have talked about how you reduce the amount of fear. The idea is that if you feel less fear, you’ll be more capable of action. This is true – by reducing fear, you’ll have the capacity to act more rationally. However, let me offer you another strategy, which is through the emotion rather than around it. Remember, the greater the fear, the greater the opportunity to learn how to be courageous.

Essentially, this process involves sitting with discomfort and feeling. The more thoroughly and nuanced you are able to experience your own emotions, the quicker you will move through them. By the way – the capacity to experience fear – and not to react to it – is a by-product of meditation.

Here is an overview of the technique.

1. Find a quiet place to sit, relax yourself, and become stiller.

2. Conjure up the situation in which you are experiencing fear.

3. Now carefully scan your body noticing how the fear is manifesting physically. For example I get a tightness in my diaphragm, and I tend to clench my jaw, and squint my eyes. It will be different for you. Notice how fear turns up in your body.

4. Relax into these feelings. I know that sounds counter-intuitive – but really “breathe” into them. Let yourself feel every single nuance. Does the physical sensation or feeling have a rhythm? Is it dense or sparse? Is it hot or cold? Where do you feel it? What does it feel like?

5. What other feelings are present? Todd Kashdan, the US psychologist, recently did some research where he discovered that the more subtle emotions you can identify – the better your chance to recover from them. So: what other emotions are present? Anger at being in a situation? Hope? Despair? Name them all.

6. Now, relax and ease the feelings by physically relaxing the parts of the body where you are experiencing the emotion. Imagine them being soft, or warm, move a little and release them.

7. Repeat until you feel your feelings around situation easing.

NOTES:

1. Once you get the hang of this you would do this process “in situ” – that is in the actual situation without having to stop and sit still. Stopping and sitting still, might not work when you’re threatened with a gun, a bear, a car accident, or that angry colleague.

2. Keep an eye on your breath throughout – long slow out breaths will help you to soothe your parasympathetic nervous system, and reduce your reaction to the fear.

3. You can also try other techniques such imagining the fear shrinking, or reducing, and yourself becoming braver in the face of it.

If all these instructions are too detailed – the main thing to remember is to be present with what you’re experiencing emotionally, and the best way to do that is through your physicality . Trying to do it all through your mind, runs the danger of you getting swept up in the emotion and overcome by fear.

This technique is not unlike what the Navy Seals use to help them deal with frightening situations.

And finally, fear is a normal and useful emotion – make friends with it, and it will have less control over you. :-)

How to go from Just Surviving to Thriving - The 7 Levels of Resilience

Bending or Breaking - How resilient are you feeling today?

Resilience is about bending and not breaking

Being in lockdown a second time was a horrible feeling. Even the simple things can't be enjoyed.  Last night I went to get some take away from my favourite local restaurant.  I thought a little treat was in order.  Even though I’m isolated, I’d worked well, I’d done my morning exercise, I had eaten a good lunch - a treat was in order.

I grabbed my keys and headed for the door and stopped.  It's 7:55 pm. We're in a curfew.  I’ll never make it back in time. I can't go anywhere.  I have to stay inside of these four walls.

It’s not a good feeling.  If, like me, you like to avoid pain you might be thinking "How do I change this feeling? How do I get through this?”

And, more importantly “How do I avoid being in a situation like this in future?” It's not one I want to go through again.

You could move to the country, but they’re in lockdown too now.

The truth is, you probably can't.  The truth is, there will always be discomfort, adversities, calamities and disasters. 

Every start has an ending.

Whatever is fixed will be broken.

What goes up always comes down.

All meetings end with a parting.

It's not a matter of if, but when.

Resilient people just keep bouncing back - often better than they were before

Get More Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

 The trick is to get better at handling the disappointments - to become more resilient, and less reliant on external circumstances to feel better.

I’ve been researching, practising and teaching resilience for 15 years now.  Resilient people always look to the lesson in the adversity.  While there is plenty to be unhappy about what can you learn about yourself to help you bounce better next time?

What are you coping mechanisms?  Are they healthy or unhealthy?  What triggers you?  What are your strengths?  What can you draw on?

Stuart Diver survived a landslide which killed his first wife.  Then lost his second wife to cancer.  He says his greater success “was not his miraculous survival in the landslide but bringing up his daughter”.  He says his life is positive.  You can only think like that if you have learned to bounce back (or sometimes crawl back!).

Where are you on the ladder of resilience?

Resilient people bend, AND grow.

They deal with the situation AND their own response to it.

Learning about yourself - your strengths and weaknesses, whether you are bending, breaking or growing - is the only transferable skill from this lockdown.  Now is a good time to learn it.

Where are you on the resilience ladder today?  Wherever you are.  It's okay.  But what can you do to move to a more generative place? Genertative means you will have more rather than less options.

Resilient people learn how to take care of themselves better.  With compassion and kindness, when they get it wrong.

"Whenever you fall, be sure to pick something up"

Looking at the ladder of resilience - I’m in recover today, heading for rebound.  Yesterday (it was a challenging day, I don’t know why) I was in survive.

7 Levels of Resilience

When this all started, I have to confess, I was in a bit of collapse.  I reached out for whatever would comfort me.  It took a few weeks to restore good habits - getting enough sleep, exercise and eating well.  Setting small goals.  Writing gratitude lists.  And accepting that I wasn’t getting done all that I hoped.

Where are you on the resilience ladder today?  Wherever you are.  It's okay.  The first steps accepting what is real and true for you.

Where are you on the resilience ladder today?  Popp your answer in the comments below.

Resilience in Challenging Times? Try Self-Compassion

Before I launched a start-up, and continuing now, I taught resilience skills (see: resilienceworks.com.au). I had many audiences, both blue and white collar workers, over all sectors. Over the years a few key themes emerged - the most surprising was the role of self-compassion.
This one element of resilience training seemed to be as powerful as most of the others combined. The model I developed was that self-awareness is needed for self acceptance (otherwise how would you know what you're accepting?), and then self compassion is required otherwise you will not accept any negative messages (growth messages). And if you have self compassion, you'll be more open to self-awareness, which then leads to self acceptance, etc. It's a virtuous circle (see attached). It's also integral to learning - you cannot improve if you cannot take in messages about how you are in the world - be they ones you like or don't like. So if you want to learn, change and become more resilient then be compassionate to yourself. This does not mean don't change - just that when you stumble, pick yourself up, gently. #change #resilience #mindsets #self-compassion #innovation #entrepreneurship